This Women’s History Month, I have been celebrating women who have inspired me. As I have mentioned before, as a history major, I have realized that our history books are only as good as those who write and teach them. And so, history is exclusionary. There are so many women who deserve far more attention in our history books and one of my greatest wishes is that we can honor the impact women have had in greater detail, both in the past as well as our future. But until then, here are three steps women in leadership must take now to ensure we are changing the cultural landscape of what it means to be successful, to be a female leader as well as to create the role models of tomorrow.
First, women leaders must be visible.
Recently, I spoke on a panel about women in leadership for my alma mater, Rutgers University. I was honored to be chosen for such an event, but even as I said “yes,” I was reminded about how many women in leadership positions still turn down that opportunity.
At Capital Analytics, we host annual investment and networking events where we put together high-level panels to discuss leading trends. For the over 20 events we host each year all over the United States, we always strive to put together panels that are reflective of the business community with a diverse and inclusive approach. However, we find that the men we ask say yes 99% of the time, while the women say yes less than 60% of the time. It is uncertain exactly why this happens, but I believe it is that many women still don’t believe that sitting on a stage as an expert is their place. We (speaking as a woman in her 40s) were taught to be polite and not attract much attention; we haven’t seen enough examples of other women up there; we haven’t given enough women praise for their input and felt confident that that would happen to us.
We all too often talk about the need for female role models, especially in business, and for greater female representation on boards and at the heads of companies. Why then, are we not taking every opportunity to be publicly present and visible, to stand with our male colleagues and present our voice, our viewpoint, our ideas?
If you are a woman in leadership and are offered a speaking position or a public position: say yes! More women must be heard and seen as the leaders they are to continue to move the needle.
Second, women need to build each other up.
Far too often, we women still tear each other down more than we build each other up. When I was younger, I remember learning, not overtly but it was understood by me, that for men, the sea was their oyster; there were plentiful job opportunities. For women, there was one pie that we all ate from, and if someone’s piece was bigger, it meant mine was smaller. Society taught me to compete, be petty, drag other women down. It took a lot of self-discovery and open-mindedness to unlearn that. If you watch The Real Housewives, The Bachelor or a million shows like it, those views are reinforced (and then some!).
But the world is our oyster, too! There are plenty of fish in our sea, too! We can, should and must build each other up because when one woman benefits, we all benefit.
We can do that through straightforward,”easy” ways like women-to-women mentorship programs (both official and unofficial), joining your local women’s chamber or business association, supporting local events that promote women-led businesses or female entrepreneurs and women to women being genuinely supportive and collaborative.
But what is really needed is a profound social change where as mothers and fathers we teach our daughters the same way we teach our sons: that the world is your oyster and that if another female succeeds, in no way will that take away from your success. And then put our money where our mouths are: pay women the same as men, offer the paid maternity leave, welcome them back without penalty, truly offer them the same career opportunities, and look at them in the same way we look at men: capable, dedicated employees, worthy of the next step at the same pay.
Third, women need to fail more (and be welcomed back to succeed again!)
Let me explain: I don’t want to see women fail more, laugh at them and then, with egg on their face, have them crawl into a hole never to reemerge. No! I want women to know that it is OK to publicly fail because when they do, they will learn valuable lessons and then rise again.
Growing up, I learned that men could fail and fail epicly, only to reemerge victorious. Bill Clinton, Elvis Presley, Walt Disney, Tiger Woods, Donald Trump … the list goes on and on.
However, women? Not so much. We were taught we either did things perfectly or not at all. Women too often have been held to higher standards than men, and criticized far more than their counterparts. That really prevents so many women from even getting going.
And yet, we are human. I am certainly not perfect, but my standards for myself (societal or just personal) can get out of control in my head.
We need to see more women fail and then support them as they try again. They will succeed and it will be an inspiration to those after them. In the words of the great female philosopher Oprah Winfrey, “Failure is another stepping stone to greatness.”
I have failed, often. I set terribly high expectations for myself and have got caught up and have projected them onto others. That has caused me to be unfairly harsh on very good employees that I eventually lost. I set the bar and the pressure too high and noticed it all too late. But here I still am. I hope I’ve learned, and I hope I’m doing better.
To be afraid to fail, is to accept paralysis as your status quo. Embrace your failures, even more strongly than your successes. And when you see another woman fail, support her, lift her up, and let her know she has just taken a great step forward. That’s the message we all need to hear from other women, and often.
As this month ends, I’ve enjoyed having the opportunity to think about women in different ways. How they’ve inspired me, and how I can work to inspire other women. More importantly, though, I’ve tried to understand what it means for a woman to be “successful,” because that definition may not be the same for everyone. But whatever the definition of success is for you, the path is paved with similar stones for all of us.
Women’s History Month comes once a year as a reminder of where we are and what is still left to do. For every woman, and especially those of us in positions of leadership (which can be in a household as much as a company, by the way), we also need to remember that we make our own history every day. What will your history be?
