Calm yourself: How to get ready for the end of year blitz

Labor Day. The long weekend that marks the end of summer. As I try to enjoy the last few days of the beach season, I can’t help but fill my head with thoughts of back to school, the end of the business year, and the rush to meet deadlines and sales targets before the year inevitably comes to a close. And even though, each year, I desperately want to reserve these last days of summer for relaxation and calmness, I inevitably spend them worrying about the stressful season ahead.

So, as a commitment to my practice in mindfulness and meditation, I’ve made a promise to myself to use this long weekend to quiet my mind in preparation for the coming busy close to another busy year.

But before I do that, I’d like to share some reflections on how finding that quiet space has helped me both personally and professionally. 

I’ve recently discovered that I am a high functioning, codependent perfectionist. Which means, in my world, nothing is ever good enough, and I put others’ feelings and comfort before my own. I can tell you, firsthand, this is a dangerous place to be for both my personal life and professional life. First and foremost, no one is perfect. Duh! Trying to obtain an impossible level is, well, impossible. Second, no one can be their best self if they are ignoring their own needs. 

One of the ways that these character traits have manifested into challenges in my life has been conflict resolution. 

Recently, I found myself harboring resentment against a friend. I noticed that all the times we spent together were on her terms: we went to the restaurants she liked, shows she chose, hung out at times that were convenient for her, and most of our discussions were about her life and her problems. I started to realize that I was emotionally drained, but felt guilty because as a good friend, I should be there for her, right? If I weren’t, I would be a bad friend, right? The feeling of resentment and anger toward her grew, and it was only after I spent quiet time alone – no social media, no TV, no distractions – that I was able to uncover why I was feeling the way I was. I needed space for me in our relationship. And I needed to be OK to tell her “no.” 

The next challenge was to be able to address it with her. 

I’m not going to lie: I was incredibly nervous. What would happen if I spoke my truth and I was rejected? What if she told me that I asked too much or wasn’t a good friend? I was uncertain I could handle that outcome. But I also know living in the “what if world” is not a world for me. I told myself to stay strong, to plan out my words so they would be as thoughtful and caring as possible, and to tell her directly in a loving way. Although the conversation was a little rocky, our friendship has been better for it. Our friendship is far more symbiotic and mutually giving. I am proud that I had the ability to get quiet with myself to understand what was really going on, and to have the bravery to address it with her.

Professionally, taking at least 24 hours before addressing a tough issue has always served me well. Conversely, every time I rushed to reaction it had been met with negativity. A few years ago, I had to give a difficult annual review for an employee. I hoped to see a strong future for him in the company, but I also saw resistance to get his work done and to communicate well with his manager and clients. As I sat and reflected on how to position the critiques, I honestly worried about how to say it. The people pleaser in me did not want to make him feel bad. I just wanted him to improve, and I didn’t want to have uncomfortable conversations to get us there. But my intuition told me that was a recipe for disaster. So I got quiet. I turned off my email and my Google chats. I thought deeply about the future of this employee and how we could get him there, what he was lacking in his performance, and how I could effectively tell him so that he could see I was on his side. 

Before the review, I meditated for five minutes. I knew that if I was calm, my words would eventually land properly. In the end, they did. I was proud of my performance in delivering the message. It did not prevent his eventual leaving the company, but it was an important reminder that even though that quiet space might show your intuition what needs to be done, that doesn’t mean everyone is going to be on board. And that is OK. 

What is most important is that leaders understand the future of where the company is going and have the intuition to effectively communicate to team members how they can get there. It is up to the team members to follow through, or not.

And so, fellow team members, I invite you to get quiet this weekend, prioritize your stillness and peace of mind so that you can come back after Labor Day and be the rock star your organization needs to be to close out the year successful, for the company and for you.